One of my coworkers just took a look at my mango on my desk and said, "Don't you find that mangos taste like soap?" I'm going home tonight to bite into a bar of soap to see if it tastes like mango.
I think she's on crack.
...
I got a comment from Jennifer Keegan on the picture of my desk.
She said,
"I wish I had a flat screen monitor. ;( "
Note the notorious frown-wink at the end of the sentence. Now if you're unfamiliar with the frown-wink emoticon, it's the sad but coy/seductive emoticon. Unfortunately text does not do it justice so I've tried to reproduce it here in real life-->frown-wink.
I try to use this frown-wink at clubs sometimes when women decline my drink offer.
...
Yes I'm that bored right now.
Friday, April 30, 2004
Today’s Track : Linkin Park - Numb
Tomfoolery
Papers scattered all over a desk, a pie chart on the screen – this looks to be like the desk of a busy guy if I ever saw one!
This is actually how I setup my desk everyday regardless if I’m busy or not. In fact that pie chart is a report that was auto-generated for me using a network administrative program to monitor computers for viruses. Now if you passed my desk at work, tell me honestly you wouldn’t think I was a diligent worker. In most cases scattered paperwork all over a desk is sufficient to fool people but the pie chart puts you up and above the normal workers. Can you spell “promotion”???
...
TGI fricken F and pray for a sunny weekend. I don’t know if I can take much more of this rain.
Go leafs go!
Tomfoolery
Papers scattered all over a desk, a pie chart on the screen – this looks to be like the desk of a busy guy if I ever saw one!
This is actually how I setup my desk everyday regardless if I’m busy or not. In fact that pie chart is a report that was auto-generated for me using a network administrative program to monitor computers for viruses. Now if you passed my desk at work, tell me honestly you wouldn’t think I was a diligent worker. In most cases scattered paperwork all over a desk is sufficient to fool people but the pie chart puts you up and above the normal workers. Can you spell “promotion”???
...
TGI fricken F and pray for a sunny weekend. I don’t know if I can take much more of this rain.
Go leafs go!
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Today's Track : Metric - Dead Disco
If vegetables could talk…
Tomato – Hey, who’s the new guy?
Celery – I don’t know but he doesn’t look like he’s from around here.
Carrot – Yeah he looks like he’s from out of town cuz he definitely looks cooler than anyone from this garden.
Tomato – Yeah, he does look pretty rad.
Celery – I don’t know, he doesn’t look all that different to me. He doesn’t look all that rad to me.
Carrot – What?...he totally looks rad.
Celery – Maybe rad’ish…but not totally rad.
Carrot – You have no idea what you’re talking about.
Tomato – You both have no idea what you’re talking about because you’re talking vegetables for crissakes.
Celery – He’s radish.
Carrot – Rad!
Celery – Radish!
Tomato – Sounds to me like you both have a crush on him.
Carrot – Do not.
Tomato – Do so.
Celery – Don’t.
Tomato – Do.
If vegetables could talk…
Tomato – Hey, who’s the new guy?
Celery – I don’t know but he doesn’t look like he’s from around here.
Carrot – Yeah he looks like he’s from out of town cuz he definitely looks cooler than anyone from this garden.
Tomato – Yeah, he does look pretty rad.
Celery – I don’t know, he doesn’t look all that different to me. He doesn’t look all that rad to me.
Carrot – What?...he totally looks rad.
Celery – Maybe rad’ish…but not totally rad.
Carrot – You have no idea what you’re talking about.
Tomato – You both have no idea what you’re talking about because you’re talking vegetables for crissakes.
Celery – He’s radish.
Carrot – Rad!
Celery – Radish!
Tomato – Sounds to me like you both have a crush on him.
Carrot – Do not.
Tomato – Do so.
Celery – Don’t.
Tomato – Do.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
I just got a text message on my cell phone that read, "I love you". I had to quickly scroll down to see who sent me this perverted message. Even though Sonia is the only one who says this to me, there was still the slim chance that aliens sent me that message...assuming they have cracked our oh-so-complex wireless technology!!...and assuming they loved me. Heck, why wouldn't aliens love me? I'm such a lovable human being!
(Ohhh...3 exclamation marks and a curse on one line...can you tell I'm excited?)
(Ohhh...3 exclamation marks and a curse on one line...can you tell I'm excited?)
Today's Track : Outkast - Roses
Note to all those who are avid collectors of golf balls. I will be teeing off at the Granite Ridge golf course in Milton this Saturday at 1pm. I have played 1 round of golf prior to this event and am sure to shower the course with lots of balls. If you hide in the bushes, trees, lakes and streams on the edges of the golf course, I’m sure those would be prime spots for any balls hit by me.
...
I saw a bit of the tv show the Swan last night and I can’t help but be a little disturbed by the fact that they’re making such a spectacle out of people who have low self-esteem. The show basically takes ugly people and gives them an extreme makeover with plastic surgery and personal training. I wonder if on top of the trainers, plastic surgeons and beauticians, if they provide them with therapists to work on their obvious low self-esteem issues as well. I think that would probably be the most helpful thing they could do for these people.
At the end of the show they brought out the family and friends of these "Swans" and I noticed that one of the friends of one particular girl was extremely overweight and unattractive. I can’t even imagine what sorts of thoughts are going through her head. I mean here’s her friend who once looked just as ugly as her and they could shoot the shit about how society is so messed up with its emphasis on physical appearance and then all of a sudden her friend goes and turns beautiful on her. I'd imagine her self-esteem just dropped several notches lower after seeing her friend after the makeover.
We live in an extremely shallow world.
...
Speaking of shallow, I’ve started working out again in preparation for the summer beach volleyball season. I gotta look good in my thong this year! Pictures forthcoming…
...
I was sitting in my room last night thinking about relationships and how they work and if there was a model that could be applied to most relationships. Then it hit me –Jean-Luc Picard and the Borg Queen! Here’s a guy who just wanted what every other man wanted, to go where no man has gone before (that being a relationship that was effortless and was filled with kinky sex). So he finds this girl who’s totally digging him. Well actually she was the one who found him and she knew what she wanted and she was really aggressive about it. Though his better judgement said that it was too good to be true he couldn’t say no because resistance was futile and because he was a weak-minded bitch. Eventually he gave in and she basically assimilated him to what she thought a man should be. She even gave him a new name and re-designed his wardrobe! Sure he looked “cool” now with his new spacesuit but he really lost his own identity and eventually became a mindless drone. But his friends didn’t give up on him and they eventually sparked a plan to come save his pathetic ass. Not only did they save him, cuz they fuckin rock, they blew that bitch to hell!! Now he’s re-established his own identity and got rid of that spacesuit (not because it wasn’t cool but because of what it represented). Jean-Luc is now hanging out with his crew again and they’re still continuing their mission to go where no man has gone before.
Star-crossed Lovers
Note to all those who are avid collectors of golf balls. I will be teeing off at the Granite Ridge golf course in Milton this Saturday at 1pm. I have played 1 round of golf prior to this event and am sure to shower the course with lots of balls. If you hide in the bushes, trees, lakes and streams on the edges of the golf course, I’m sure those would be prime spots for any balls hit by me.
...
I saw a bit of the tv show the Swan last night and I can’t help but be a little disturbed by the fact that they’re making such a spectacle out of people who have low self-esteem. The show basically takes ugly people and gives them an extreme makeover with plastic surgery and personal training. I wonder if on top of the trainers, plastic surgeons and beauticians, if they provide them with therapists to work on their obvious low self-esteem issues as well. I think that would probably be the most helpful thing they could do for these people.
At the end of the show they brought out the family and friends of these "Swans" and I noticed that one of the friends of one particular girl was extremely overweight and unattractive. I can’t even imagine what sorts of thoughts are going through her head. I mean here’s her friend who once looked just as ugly as her and they could shoot the shit about how society is so messed up with its emphasis on physical appearance and then all of a sudden her friend goes and turns beautiful on her. I'd imagine her self-esteem just dropped several notches lower after seeing her friend after the makeover.
We live in an extremely shallow world.
...
Speaking of shallow, I’ve started working out again in preparation for the summer beach volleyball season. I gotta look good in my thong this year! Pictures forthcoming…
...
I was sitting in my room last night thinking about relationships and how they work and if there was a model that could be applied to most relationships. Then it hit me –Jean-Luc Picard and the Borg Queen! Here’s a guy who just wanted what every other man wanted, to go where no man has gone before (that being a relationship that was effortless and was filled with kinky sex). So he finds this girl who’s totally digging him. Well actually she was the one who found him and she knew what she wanted and she was really aggressive about it. Though his better judgement said that it was too good to be true he couldn’t say no because resistance was futile and because he was a weak-minded bitch. Eventually he gave in and she basically assimilated him to what she thought a man should be. She even gave him a new name and re-designed his wardrobe! Sure he looked “cool” now with his new spacesuit but he really lost his own identity and eventually became a mindless drone. But his friends didn’t give up on him and they eventually sparked a plan to come save his pathetic ass. Not only did they save him, cuz they fuckin rock, they blew that bitch to hell!! Now he’s re-established his own identity and got rid of that spacesuit (not because it wasn’t cool but because of what it represented). Jean-Luc is now hanging out with his crew again and they’re still continuing their mission to go where no man has gone before.
Star-crossed Lovers
Monday, April 26, 2004
Today's Track : Nelly Furtado - Try
and all the real people are really not real at all...
...
I have to voice my disdain for poser superheroes -- the Batmans and Punishers of this world. I may spark a small riot from some of my comic loving comrades but I've held this in for far too long. Superheroes in my humble nerdy opinion as a prerequisite, have to have some sort of superpower. They can't just be ordinary human beings with "gadgets" or else that would make Inspector Gadget and James Bond superheroes as well. Don't get me wrong, James Bond is damn cool, just not a superhero. Another thing a superhero can't be is an ordinary human being with lots of guns; a happy trigger finger; and a vendetta against people who have stepped on their feet. If that were the case then all Texans would be superheroes.
So here's a tip for you future wannabe superheroes; you better have some superpower or else you're just a poor man's version of a superhero; the "diet" of superheroes; the "I can't believe it's not butter" of superheroes. Get with the program!!
...
So what do you think are the prerequisites for being a superhero?
and all the real people are really not real at all...
...
I have to voice my disdain for poser superheroes -- the Batmans and Punishers of this world. I may spark a small riot from some of my comic loving comrades but I've held this in for far too long. Superheroes in my humble nerdy opinion as a prerequisite, have to have some sort of superpower. They can't just be ordinary human beings with "gadgets" or else that would make Inspector Gadget and James Bond superheroes as well. Don't get me wrong, James Bond is damn cool, just not a superhero. Another thing a superhero can't be is an ordinary human being with lots of guns; a happy trigger finger; and a vendetta against people who have stepped on their feet. If that were the case then all Texans would be superheroes.
So here's a tip for you future wannabe superheroes; you better have some superpower or else you're just a poor man's version of a superhero; the "diet" of superheroes; the "I can't believe it's not butter" of superheroes. Get with the program!!
...
So what do you think are the prerequisites for being a superhero?
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
This is too good not to post...I wish I wrote it...
(I don't really hate the US of eh. I just think their politicians suck ass.)
...
"On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.
I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna' have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was
different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you. "
...
(I don't really hate the US of eh. I just think their politicians suck ass.)
...
"On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.
I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna' have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was
different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you. "
...
Today’s Track : The Ronnettes – Be My Baby
Anyone remember the old Speedy Gonzalez cartoons with the little Mexican mouse who could run like the wind? What I never got was how he could run so fast and still keep on his giant sombrero. Now assuming he had a chin strap that kept it on, I would figure that a hat like that would also cause some serious drag issues. I bet if he took off the hat he could probably shave a good few hundreds of a second off his 100 yard dash. Throw in a skin tight body suit and we might be talking about Olympic gold here! Arriba!! Arriba!!
...
Joel, hide me in your humiliation!
So there’s this thing called childhood humiliation that people tend to forget about or at least bury deep within their subconscious. Things like your mom walking into your room while you’re watching porn and taming your shrew. After watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I asked Sonia about some of her most humiliating and embarrassing childhood moments. To my surprise she had a pretty lengthy list of moments compared with my list (I bet it’d be pretty humiliating if I repeated those moments here). I started to wonder if I really had somehow forgotten or hidden some of these memories in my subconscious.
I can only remember two incidences. The first incident was when I was about 5 or 6 and I was a notorious bed-wetter. I think I was sleeping over at my relatives’ house and I left a nice and big yellow stain on their guest bed. The second incident was when I was about 8 or 9 and my parents found porn underneath my bed. I know I was quite young to be in possession of porn but in my defense I don’t think naked women aroused me so much as intrigued me at that time. I don’t even remember where I got it from.
I’ve tried to recall more of these types of moments and I get nothing. Could it be possible that I’ve lived my entire life almost humiliation free or am I in serious denial?
...
For people who may accuse me of liking alternative music because I’m going through some sort of rebellion or non-conforming period of my life -- I’ve been non-conforming since childhood when I was putting square blocks in round holes; liking girls when all the other boys said girls were "yucky"; and running with scissors like it was going out of style.
Anyone remember the old Speedy Gonzalez cartoons with the little Mexican mouse who could run like the wind? What I never got was how he could run so fast and still keep on his giant sombrero. Now assuming he had a chin strap that kept it on, I would figure that a hat like that would also cause some serious drag issues. I bet if he took off the hat he could probably shave a good few hundreds of a second off his 100 yard dash. Throw in a skin tight body suit and we might be talking about Olympic gold here! Arriba!! Arriba!!
...
Joel, hide me in your humiliation!
So there’s this thing called childhood humiliation that people tend to forget about or at least bury deep within their subconscious. Things like your mom walking into your room while you’re watching porn and taming your shrew. After watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I asked Sonia about some of her most humiliating and embarrassing childhood moments. To my surprise she had a pretty lengthy list of moments compared with my list (I bet it’d be pretty humiliating if I repeated those moments here). I started to wonder if I really had somehow forgotten or hidden some of these memories in my subconscious.
I can only remember two incidences. The first incident was when I was about 5 or 6 and I was a notorious bed-wetter. I think I was sleeping over at my relatives’ house and I left a nice and big yellow stain on their guest bed. The second incident was when I was about 8 or 9 and my parents found porn underneath my bed. I know I was quite young to be in possession of porn but in my defense I don’t think naked women aroused me so much as intrigued me at that time. I don’t even remember where I got it from.
I’ve tried to recall more of these types of moments and I get nothing. Could it be possible that I’ve lived my entire life almost humiliation free or am I in serious denial?
...
For people who may accuse me of liking alternative music because I’m going through some sort of rebellion or non-conforming period of my life -- I’ve been non-conforming since childhood when I was putting square blocks in round holes; liking girls when all the other boys said girls were "yucky"; and running with scissors like it was going out of style.
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